A Very Old Thought

I'd mentioned that I had some very old ideas for art journaling pages that I hoped to get to soon. When I said very old, I meant VERY old. It seems to be quite the habit of mine, not just for journal pages but for quilts and other creative ventures as well. I have to say it feels good to get this off my chest and onto the page - another one in a Sketchbook Revival sketchbook that went unused during those sessions and got some expended paint applied.

Here's the story behind it: I donate money to a different charity every month, so it is not unusual for me to get follow-up requests from those hopeful I will donate again and soon. I wish there was some way to assure them this was a one-time deal until next year, but I don't think that would stop them from constantly checking in case I'd changed my mind. But I have to say, when the pandemic hit and things started shutting down, the number of donation requests exploded, and all I could think of was "money grab!"; it made me not want to donate to any of them. I had this vision in my head of a stack of money surrounded by grasping hands.

I went searching for that stack of money but google searches came up pretty flat. This dog holding a sheaf of dollars in its mouth was the best I could find so I printed it out. Then for those outstretched hands: I'd used one on a different journal page and didn't think it would be so hard to find more, but it was. I kept setting this aside for easier things. Now I wanted to just finish it up so it would be off my mind and went searching through my bin of ephemera for appropriate hands. Again, surprised that I could find so few but eventually put enough together for my circle of grasping hands. 

I used green watercolor paint for a border around the edges as well as over the bills and around the dog after I'd inked in words. Alas, I was too impatient and the ink wasn't fully dry so it smudged a bit. I dug out a green gel pen to trace around the hands/arms and add a few dollar signs. The lettering is all done with a Pigma NP pen. I think that pinkish background paint is gouache used on the previous page of the sketchbook.

As for last week's art journal page, I was a bit worried that I might offend some of my readers with its sentiment. I so appreciate you who commented that you understood my preference for dogs and took no offense that I'd take them over babies. Whew!

Warming Up

While dithering over what the next sewing/quilting project will be, I've also had multi-media/art journal subjects enticing me. Some of the ideas I have are literally years old, while the one I worked on today is only a few weeks on my mind. I'd come across that photo of the Labrador in a magazine and couldn't resist tearing it out to put on a journal page. I knew I wouldn't have to add much as I intended to use a page in an old Sketchbook Revival sketchbook that had empty pages I'd expended paint on. I've often said I want to get better at collage, and this is no masterpiece for sure, but one has to start somewhere, and it got me going through my bin of ephemera and thinking about how to put pieces together to tell a story, or at least make a coherent scene.

As for the sentiment at the top, I have always been drawn to dogs; babies not so much. Puppies melt my heart, young dogs with their loose limbs make me laugh, adult dogs can always depend on a smile and head scratch from me if the owner agrees. But I've never been comfortable around babies, have never found pictures of them appealing, have resisted mothers who offer to let me hold one because past experience tells me said baby is going to start wailing as soon as it's in my arms. Guess it's a good thing I never had kids!

I had more bad news last week that kept me hunkering down and stepping back from the world and anything creative other than my knitting but thankfully, I've turned a corner on that these last few days. Working on this page felt good; more soon to come I think. How have you all been?

Resolved

Awkward Teenage Stage from February

Down to the last lingering project on my worktable, and irritated with myself that I'd not been able to move past being stuck, I spent some time over the weekend resolving the resolution word journal page. Goodness, high time to get on with it this many months past the beginning of the year. Above you see where I left it, still in an "awkward teenage" stage: ok but lacking. Addition of a few tan strips to balance the brown of the clock along with some hand written text helped but not enough.

Less awkward resolved version

Here it is after a breakthrough moment as I shuffled through my bin of collage materials and stumbled upon some possible solutions to get past the awkward stage. Still a little disjointed (I still struggle with covering up things I've strategically placed and softening edges for a less regimented look). But looking more complete.

Testing stamp & paint on Kraft Tex and gluing translucent bag images

One thing I didn't want to lose was the way the blue and yellow watercolor paint from the first layer gave this a bright positive feel. So I tended to paint around what was still showing through as I tried to blend or hide problem areas with periwinkle Fresco Finish paint. Not much improvement. There was a particularly troublesome area at the center top where the security envelop papers did not meet and I'd left some white showing at the end of one. The paint just sat there looking like it didn't belong. Finding a piece of fabric I'd stamped with a sun-like design I'd carved gave me my aha moment of what I could add to cover that area while adding more yellow to the spread. Then there was the translucent bag I'd saved that had swirls and stars on it. Would the translucent parts of cutouts actually disappear when gel medium held them in place? A test piece said yes!

Once I stamped that sun in the upper middle, I could see the solution to how to treat the narrow border around the outside of the spread. There were a few places where it had a bit of paint over it, and I wanted it to be clean white, so was considering painting over the outside with white paint. But now I could see that using the same yellow paint as the stamped image gave me the extra brightness I desired and cohesion too. The stamped image needed definition to show up on the security envelop paper so I outlined each part with blue micron pen.

Those stars and swirls really were the final touch that brought it all together. Added a few more encouraging words and am calling it good. Just in time to embark on another free collaging workshop with Laly Mille!

Tidying up and Some Organizing

Taxes are done but I do need to gather up my copies and documents into a manila envelop for filing away, and tossing what doesn't need to be kept. There's always shredding to do as well - old bills and things no longer needing to be kept from the oldest tax file as I add the most recent one to the file box. But that can be done in bits and pieces. I got distracted when on the computer and decided it was high time to do some organizing of my photos, moving some into files and deleting others. These are the sorts of things I put off but irritate me whenever I access my two main photo files - one where I download pics off my camera or the internet and one where I temporarily put photos I've readied to upload to the blog before moving them into more permanent files. Both become a cluttered mess if I don't keep up with deleting and moving to appropriate files. Think of it the same as the piles of clutter on my worktable. However, one type of filing I do seem to keep up with is the organization of what I print out in the course of making books. I have two books made with those disks that allow you to add and remove pages, one for the monthly bookbinding instructions and one for the challenges and extra info like how to make bookcloth. Besides printing off directions and what the sample book looks like, I also like to print out any books others in the group have made with ideas I think I'd like to incorporate should I make the book again. There in the picture above is the latest challenge instructions and inspirational books duly put away.

This left me with a couple of quick finishes I've been putting off but will help with clearing off work spaces. In the course of going through the fabric stack that came off the floor when I had the rug cleaned, I ran across a few of these hot glue medallions I made back in 2019. Really liked the idea, wasn't sure how to use them. But the one I'd painted with the muted violet paint said, "How would I look on the cover of that "First Journal Challenge" book? I'd always thought it needed something, so auditioned the medallions, letting each sit for at least a day's worth of considering before settling on the violet one which picked up the same undertones as in the wrinkles across the paper. Wasn't sure about how to attach it (was NOT going to fiddle with my hot glue gun) and defaulted to PVA glue. If it doesn't hold up, I can always try something else.

And then there was the closure on the 2nd Celtic Weave Journal. I'd run the choices past members of the Handmade Book Club and of those who responded, all went for the wide flat elastic over the narrow green one. I was leaning that way too and felt it would attach well without leaving any lumps. First off was determining how far to cut the slits from the top and side. And of course, I cut the slits in the flap instead of the cover - I've been making all sorts of small mistakes like that lately. Fortunately, the unevenness of the handmade paper camouflaged the cuts which were on the inside anyway. Then I inserted the ends of the elastic (see arrows), securing them with Fabri-Tac.

Now I could cut pieces of double sided Scor-Tape to length to attach the flaps to make packets. Here the protective paper is ready to be peeled off.

And here is the flap folded over, adhered top and bottom to make the flap.

This is essentially the same type of closure as on my commercially made book I'm currently using for quotations. I like that the elastic does not go totally around the book.

And the elastic really does match the color of the leaves embedded in the paper. I may have made the elastic a bit snug, but I do know how elastic tends to give over time, and this is a book I think I will be adding to over many years.

I did spend some time yesterday on the resolution word art journal spread, trying to do some blending with paint and adding a few more strips of paper here and there. I'd like to get it finished up because I am taking another one of Laly Mille's free five day classes starting next week, more practice in collaging, and instead of using 4 individual small pieces of watercolor paper as she suggests, I think I will just work in this large art journal. It's a good deadline for something I think I have dawdled over too long. I definitely got stuck in that "awkward teenage stage" and can tell I am still struggling with not wanting to cover things up once on the page. But I think I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday and am eager to proceed with my most recent thoughts. Will share when finished!

More Collage

I had started a spread in my big art journal before I was tapped to make the Scrappy Journal, which ironically would also include collaging. Although I was eager to work on my journal page, I thought of it as good practice, a trial run before I got to that part in my art journal. The theme for the page is my resolution word: organize. Laly Mille who I'd taken a class from, was art journaling her resolution word, and in running across a picture of a clock, I thought of my wish to organize my time and was inspired to do the same. Art journaling has two worthwhile components in my book. The page can be a place to experiment with new media, tools and techniques, and in the process of composing the collage it can unlock feelings, emotions and more, just like writing in a journal can, only here you are exploring visually. Laly often does written journaling on the page in pencil before anything else which I find helpful in focusing my mind on what it is I want to accomplish with this page or maybe just what I'm feeling at the moment. With that done, time to start covering the page. I started with laying down some watercolor paint with nothing particular in mind.

I started with watercolor because I wanted to conduct an experiment. I knew what happens when you scatter salt over fabric or paper that is wet with dye or paint. The salt sucks the color to it and you can get some interesting patterning. I'd read that you could do the same with what's in those packets that come in some many things to keep things dry. One of my medications comes with a rather large packet so I have quite a few saved waiting for the experiment. I was surprised to find that they are actually filled with tiny balls. Look closely at the above photo and you should be able to spot some that haven't drawn up any color. The "dots" are ones that definitely have.

And when brushed off, they do leave a bit of patterning on the paper, not as much as I'd hoped but there just the same. Now I know.

With the Scrappy Journal done, I could pull out this spread again, along with the things I'd set aside to collage on it. I'm finally dipping more into my stash of security envelops and chose blue ones as I want to keep this spread light and positive. Was so excited when I ran across large text reading "Getting Organized" which I amended to "Get Organized". "New Year" and the colorful strips of balls and stars are from a New Year's card I received after Christmas (some people just admit they will not get their greetings out before Christmas!). The lined memo paper needs me to add those things I want to get organized but other than not, not sure what the next step should be. I'm pretty happy with it right now, but just like in quilting when I hesitate to add the final step of quilting for fear of ruining what I've already done, I'm hesitant to try blending with paint or other things even though I know it needs something to make it even better and bring the whole thing together. It can sit while I ponder and do some more straightening and organizing in the studio.

Speaking of which, my goddaughter asked the other day how the organizing was going and I have to admit it's going slowly, still dragging my feet about where things should go if not on the floor. Bits and pieces are finding either a new home and where they should have gone in the first place. I'm trying to be more disciplined about putting things away as soon as I am done with them rather than my usual habit of leaving them on the worktable pushed aside for "later". It really is a helpful habit to get into. But I am making some disturbing finds, like the silk tie fabric from one floor stack that I really can't remember why I wanted to leave it out. Or more disturbing, while rearranging the small stacking bins I keep under the worktable and looking through the quilting magazines on one, I uncovered two books I don't remember buying, and neither have anything to do with quilting, so why are they there? What other mysteries will I uncover?

Worse still perhaps is that I know I have to clear off the ironing board, those stacks still a bit mysterious, because I am about ready to embark on the baby quilt for my goddaughter's latest baby. Not willing to attend to that as my excitement in finding a pattern and material for the quilt is driving me to get started, I began searching through my stash for the pinks I think I want to use. Well, you have to audition those pinks against what you just bought and with nowhere else to do it, I started working on top of the pile on the ironing board. Mired, I am absolutely mired in a mess and confused as to what direction to go with these fabrics. So I'm thinking today the ironing board must be liberated, the fabric auditioning set aside until I have space on the worktable again. I want to start cutting!!!! That should be incentive enough, wouldn't you think?

Back To Pink & More #INKtober

To be honest, not much got done last week as I apparently was showing side effects of an RSV shot. Chatted with the pharmacist about it and he highly suspects it's because of the immune-suppressing meds I take. Still feeling it this week so am still taking it slow. In the meantime, I am perked up by my neighbor's Halloween decorations. That's my front door past the tree that we share so I get a chuckle each time I go out and see those skeletons relaxing in the chaise lounges.

Fortunately, the #Inktober sketches take little time or energy so I've been able to keep up with them. Here's the latest page. As you can see, there was a day of beautiful fall weather where I felt good enough for a walk at city beach, and then a total cloudy blockout of the hyped eclipse which in my area was an 80 percent one.

I kept popping into the studio in moments I felt a little better, inserting some postcards into the pockets of the challenge gratitude journal. I'm calling this "Gratitude, Memories, Things I Love" so that I can include things like these postcards of familiar sights sent to me after I moved away from the area back in the 1990s. Yes, I've been holding on to them that long, in the bottom of a stationery box. That's the Tacoma Narrows bridge peeking out. The greeting cards I used as wrappers have printing on the back that I'd rather not see so I have these small calendar cards from NWF that I will paste over it.

Someone from the challenge group shared this with us, suggesting we might like to include it in our journals. I decided I wanted it for my opening page. Still running into bits to add to my collection of things to paste on other pages.

Lastly, I decided I couldn't put off gluing down the pieces loosely arranged on my 4 pieces of watercolor paper for the abstract color challenge. Feeling I'm not really embracing making these abstract, and they are still in that awkward teenager stage, but today I experimented with where I might add a few small pieces here and there. Also thinking about ink spatters and bubble wrap marks and water soluble colored pencils. Still feeling cramped working in these 5 x 5 inch spaces. I like the lower left one the best, really just as it is, but must be brave about adding something more to give it depth and interest. Mostly, I'm ready to have these off the worktable. On the day I glued these pieces down, I covered them with wax paper and put them under books to dry, then sat at the sewing machine a bit to continue restitching the diagonal grid quilting on the 4-patch strip quilt while listening to podcasts. I'm almost done with the lines going in one direction and will feel much better about this project when I can flip the quilt and start stitching the other direction. And honestly, I'm so itching to start a knitting project, as if I don't have enough things going. Must be the autumn weather . . .

An Optimistic Travel Spread

I finished up my art journal travel spread and it was an enjoyable experience. I am very pleased with the outcome - lots of open space, minimal added collaging to the images laid down, little covering up and layering. My tactic was to revisit plans for trips that got waylaid when my back got so bad, remind myself of where I thought I'd like to go, by car and train and boat. Whether or not I'll actually be able to take any of these trips, see any of these places, it was a shot in the arm to remember them and why they were on my list.

As an aside, I caught myself automatically using some of my quilting lessons as I arranged things on the page, thinking to balance where different items were placed to help move the eye but particularly to balance colors. Once I added that brown rock on the right, it was picking up the brown in the moon but I kept thinking there needed to be more brown making the connection. That is why those torn strips of brown paper got added, and they also seemed to add to the sense of travel with their horizontal alignment. I thought the same thing when placing the Canadian flag - need to add more red somewhere. That's why the exuberant lady in the red convertible got added. 

The sprayed acrylic background worked well, except my Uniball Gelly pen in white struggled to write over it. While perusing the small art supply section of my local Wal-Mart, I checked to see if they carried Posca pens. Posca Posca Posca is all I've been hearing for some time now from the various multi-media artists I follow. It's essentially acrylic paint in a pen that comes with various types of tips. I've often seen it used to add text so maybe I should give in and get one. I was not surprised that Wal-Mart didn't have them, but they did have these Painters pens which sounded like the same thing. Never one to really know what colors I want, except this time I knew I needed white, I decided to get this 5 pack.

Not surprisingly I suppose, my trial with the white one was disappointing. I knew from the many videos I'd watched that these need to be shaken and then the tip depressed to get the paint moving. I did this only to have the paint run freely out of the pen when I depressed the tip on a small sheet of paper. It was very thin and immediately spread off the paper. The tip was also extended quite far out after shaking so I am wondering if this particular pen has a default. I haven't taken time to check the others. Once I felt I had the flow of paint under control, I lettered over the gelly pen "Oh Canada" and was surprised at the uneven coverage. As I said, the paint seems very thin. On closer inspection, I see this brand is made by the Elmer's glue company which means at least it is made in America, but perhaps I should go for the tried and true Japanese company's paint pens if I decide this is an option I'd like to have around.

How about you? Any of you have experience with Posca paint pens?

More Art Journaling

I'm somewhere between restless and listless, focused and dreamy. Maybe it's a bit of spring fever, me needing a change of scenery when the scenery isn't seeing much change. However, I was quite delighted last week to see that the access road running from my sidewalk route along the dog park was now free from snow, even the big pile at the entrance gone and I could spend at least part of my daily walk on softer (but not muddy) ground.

Part of my restlessness no doubt is tied to these art journaling spreads I want to complete before clearing the work table so I can cut binding and square up the baby quilt. This first one goes back to the altered book I've been working in, that smaller format that sometimes feels cramped. The theme is the one I thought I was going to use for Laly's retreat but turned out to be unsuitable for that. Still, I had images set aside and a few things I wanted to try out in this place where it doesn't matter. First up, covering the text on the page with teabags. I keep saving them, keep wanting to use them because their color is part of my personal palette, but so far I haven't been terribly happy with what I've tried with them. I had really hoped they would knock back the text more but once the gel medium was dry, they were very transparent.

Next I arranged my images and there went any interesting things the teabags might be adding as my images pretty much covered the spread. I used a pen similar to a Flair pen to write around the images why what they represented would never be pursued. You can probably make out the "Get Real!" I wrote at the top which was the thing that dawned on me after I'd collected them as dreams I could pursue. The image in the lower left is cut from a postcard. I'd wondered if perhaps it was too thick to use, and it definitely was. Now I know. Sorry for the glare.

Now I wanted to see what would happen if I covered the spread with the thin layer of a napkin, something that was shown in one of my handmade book club lessons. In that case, everyone was using white napkins with colorful images. The white turned translucent when adhered with gel medium but I wasn't sure my plain dark teal napkin would still let the things on the page spread show. So I did this small sample and it looked like it would work.

What didn't work well was getting the napkin on the page. I used the suggested ways of gluing a little at a time but a napkin is quite unruly, would not go down where I wanted and I kept pulling it up to rearrange. I think that caused two things to happen: 1) I think the gel medium on the napkin pulled up some of the ink off the images and 2) I think even though I tried hard to get an even application of gel medium over the page, some of it may have dried before the napkin hit or wasn't there at all. Most of the images are very difficult to see and some text showed right through while other didn't - a very uneven application. Well, I DID want to knock things back and give a dreamy quality to it, as evidenced by the two words I added on top of the napkin: Me Dreaming. The camera had a difficult time deciphering all this and I tried to fix it as best I could so you could get the idea. But overall, this was not a successful experiment and I am very unhappy with the result. But now I know - using napkins is not for me! Teabags are still in the mix.

I had better luck moving on to my big art journaling sketchbook. I'd not done anything with the covers initially, but had since come up with an idea for them. I have some spray acrylics and lots of stencils so I went to work. I used a light and a dark blue, repositioning the stencil 180 degrees before spraying with the second color. Very pleased with how this came out. Again, the camera was struggling, making the left edge of the cover much lighter than it really is.

Never one to waste, I decided to see if I could transfer the paint on the top of the stencil after each color application onto the back cover. Not a lot of paint so the transfer is very light but that's ok for the back.

And now while the paint was out, I opened the sketchbook to a blank spread and created my first layer for a new journal page. I'd been thinking of ways I could add paint as a first layer other than with a brush which I'd not enjoyed or had much luck with during the retreat. I had planned on trying a brayering method I've seen but now with the success of the spraying on the cover, I decided to spray away on this spread. And I am SO happy with the look.

That dark blue is just what I wanted to set off that moon image that I'd wanted to use on my retreat page. Now it works perfectly for a new optimistic travel spread and I've started "auditioning" more images. Maybe collage isn't really the look I want, as I find myself reluctant to even think about what could go in the "blank" spaces around my images. We'll have to see how this evolves.

My "Hope and Freedom" Art Journal Page

 

Well, here it is, finished at last, my rich and image-laden version of Laly Mille's retreat theme of "choosing a focal image evoking a feeling of flight, lightness, hope and freedom in your heart." My "dream" for my page was to revolve around my desire to improve physically enough that I can get back out on the trails and even travel a bit; that's my idea of hope and freedom right now. I'd originally wanted to use a particular moon image, but it ended up being too big and just not right for everything else I was doing. It dawned on me though, as she suggested birds, butterflies, dragonflies, kites or even balloons, or perhaps something that is akin to a talisman, that my encounter with a blue heron when I lived by the lake became a symbol of so many positive things for me. I hunted through my bin of ephemera and came up with a heron to add to my page.

In contrast, I can't help but share with you Laly's finished page, which might help you better understand why this became such a struggle for me. I honestly didn't care for it very much, not nearly like I cared for other of her pages I'd seen. There were so many things I couldn't buy into for my own page. Like those flowers, growing from the "seeds of our dreams" represented by dots of paint in the ground portion. I did however extend the reeds stamped on my "ground" papers where they had been cut off.

In her wrap up session, Laly summarized the three steps she'd taken us through: working intuitively (I'm so poor at that - I usually have concrete ideas in my head), working intentionally (that's more me and this part went better), and finishing touches (a chance to step back and see what needs fixing, adding details and magic, no more big decisions - well, I'm not sure I was there yet on the no more big decisions). The first thing I realized when I stepped back was that she had worked all the way out to the edge of the page and I had not. It was a place I could add light as she encouraged, framing a bit with the bright green on two sides and the ocher yellow on the other two sides. Then I inspected the images I'd laid down, noting that even the ones with torn edges (which I never thought I'd do but really grew to like the look) did not look integrated, but just stood out too much. I worked a little green around the edges of the heron image (and also went over the gray lines of heron itself to help it show more, ditto on the legs and reeds) and got very brave in trying my hand at extending out the waterfall with acrylic paint. Somewhat successful.

On the other side of the page, I had that square of the hiker standing between two trees and my attempt at blending with paint wasn't getting me anywhere. Then while watching that extra page Laly timelapsed for us, I saw how she dealt with the same thing by collaging along the edges. Shortly after, I came across some pictures in one of my magazines that had ferns just like the ones in my image. Sure enough, I could tear portions of them to add on two sides to extend out my image and blend it better into the background. If you look closely at the larger image, you can just see the torn edges of what was added. Hard to believe that little bit of added fern made so much difference.

Here's that timelapse page of Laly's, much more of the style I like and what I'd hoped she'd be teaching. I don't so much need lessons on art journaling as I need more help with the technique of collaging. But one of her bits of encouragement to just walk away when stuck and come back later with fresh eyes turned out to be very valuable as my time "ignoring" what had become a frustration became time when new ideas and solutions like this one presented themselves.

Another example: Perhaps my favorite part of art journaling is adding text, and I was chomping at the bit to do so. While waiting for the retreat videos to be posted, I'd torn some pages out of the altered book I've been working in, laying them on the table (cardinal rule of multi-media work apparently is throw nothing away). In one of those serendipity moments, I looked down at the page on top to see the first sentence of the first paragraph starting with the words you see above. Oh yes, this was going to be the central text of my page. It really spoke to me of changing attitudes and seasons and how soon the snow will suddenly be gone and it will be warm enough to hike. The flower from the tissue paper I'd glued in the middle of the page for some reason but never got covered up as I'd hoped now became the sun with the addition of the collaged swirl, outlining of the petals and some yellow paint. But I'd not settled on anything else for text.

And then during a break in working on my page, there I was in the car, listening to a Moody Blues cd and I heard the perfect words for the rest of my text additions, and the perfect encouragement for my slightly gloomy demeanor lately as I wait for healing and good weather. A few more "fixes" with colored pencil here and there and I decided I was done.

In the end, I did much of this my way, but really did appreciate what Laly had to offer. I took the plunge to try incorporating a lot of different mediums to learn more about them and if I liked them (I still really like those Marabu Art Crayons, need to learn a different approach to acrylic paints, love how much better gel medium works as an adhesive than the thinner matte medium, enjoy Art Graf water soluble blocks over watercolor paint, never would have thought to use colored pencils had she not mentioned them, was pleased with the way both Micron pens and my fountain pen worked over the gel medium but drops of either ink or Dynaflow paint took forever to dry). I laughed at her description of that middle stage when you get stuck as the "awkward teenage stage" and that you just have to quit listening to the inner critic and either focus on what IS working or just go away for awhile. And ultimately remember that "art journaling is a time for learning and for growth. It will make you a better artist." I will have to add that to my reasons for art journaling, which have been mostly to get a thought or concern onto the page with something other than writing. Finally she stressed that these pages are not for masterpieces (and mine surely are never that, even when successful).

I'm sure you've run into plenty of references to the inner critic, but I'd not heard it described quite this way before and loved the image it evoked: 

"Sweet voice of the inner critic! This little gremlin is the part of your brain whose job it is to keep you safe from change, ANY change, even positive change. The best way to silence it is to keep going, keep showing up, take action and get creating."

Oh my gosh, the gremlin sure has my number because I really do hate change! Pretty evident during this retreat too, as I kept fighting against suggestions and directions I didn't want to take. It was all better when I took a break and quit fighting back. Will try to keep everything in mind that I experienced and learned when I dive into my next art journaling page.

Progress and Some Theories

 

My first layers "hot mess"

 

“I begin with an idea and then it becomes something else.”

― Pablo Picasso

 

So encouraging to run across this. It definitely describes my creative process. And it particularly seems to be true about my art journaling. I've been mulling over an idea for a page in the altered book I've been working in, collecting a few images and words, wanting to try something for the background layer and then topping it all with a translucent napkin layer like was taught in my Handmade Book Club recently. It's kind of a negative theme, a group of things that I think I want to buy, would look good in, an opportunity to travel. And then I realized, none of this is going to happen so I might as well be realistic about it. A case of who am I kidding. Thought I'd use this for my retreat art journaling page. But wait, Laly wants us to dream, dream big, bring light to our pages and maybe surprise ourselves when the dream comes true. Ugh. Not the mood I'm in at the moment, but I resolve to play her game. I think about being able to get out on the trails again, and even to travel a bit now that I've had some work done on my back. Spring is not here yet so I still have time to heal more, hoping I can indeed do some of these things I did all the time before the pain stopped me.

Example of painted and stamped papers, only willing to spatter with ink

But as you can see, even following her bright and supportive and inspirational guidance, I ended up with the same dark overall appearance that shows up in a lot of my work instead of a more light and airy look. (She kept saying not to worry at this stage - if it looked like a hot mess, then you were where you were supposed to be!) And as I progressed through the videos I realized I'd been adding steps before they were presented, an overlapping of instructions. And both made everything else about working on this page harder. For instance, my chosen collage papers made a lovely little vignette across the lower half of the page when I was supposed to be choosing strips and bits to create "texture" and then paint and draw over them. I do not want to paint over these nor add much over them. (A big thanks to Kathy Loomis for her comment on the last post mirroring my own feelings about this practice of "disappearing" beautiful papers and images.)  Her own page was so different from others I've seen her do and I didn't care for it much, but I still let her get into my head, influenced by the composition she was developing even though she kept saying not to copy her exactly. My original idea envisioned multiple images clipped from magazines scattered over the page; she only required we use a single focal image pretty much centered. Ah me. So it was a frustrating week that at times left me totally undone and the page is still not totally finished.

A saving grace: in her wrap up video, she showed a time lapse of another page she'd just done and it was exactly what I thought she was going to teach but hadn't (perhaps she felt that technique would be too complicated for many of the students trying out art journaling for the first time?), and I picked up a few ideas of how I can improve the things about my spread that are still bothering me. And she has this thing about wings representing your creativity taking flight, so her last little ritual was having us close our eyes, focus on our shoulder blades, and feel our wings. "Are they starting to flutter a bit, open up?" she asked. Ironic smile from me. I didn't want to make her feel bad by responding that my wings felt a bit crumpled, maybe even with a few holes in them. ;-) But learning has happened, sparks and epiphanies emerged seemingly from nowhere, soaked up her positivity and encouragement, and I'll be showing the results soon.

Before I ran across the Picasso quotation, I'd been over on Austin Kleon's tumblr where he posted an "In Conversation" video you might find interesting and talked about The Centre For The Less Good Idea, pulling this quotation off its website:

"Often, you start with a good idea, It might seem crystal clear at first, but when you take it off the proverbial drawing board, cracks and fissures emerge in its surface, and they cannot be ignored. It is in following the secondary ideas, those less good ideas coined to address the first idea’s cracks, that the Centre nurtures, arguing that in the act of playing with an idea, you can recognise those things you didn’t know in advance but knew somewhere inside of you."

 

And yeah, this has always happened to me and I used to fight it, determined to make that good idea work even when I could see it wasn't. A longer version of what Picasso said. And I am hoping this is what's happening with my journal page and the others that are already brewing in the back of my mind.

 

I also found interesting because it happens to me all the time, his post about "We all have three voices." How often does the voice inside your head (the thinking voice) compose a perfect few sentences but when you go to write them (your writing voice) or speak them (your speaking voice, you can't capture those exact thoughts in those words again? I can definitely see how this relates to the difference between your good idea for a work of art and what actually tumbles out into reality. Funny things, our brains.

Exceptionalism Art Journal Spread

 

I think I'm done fiddling with this art journal spread. Here it is with the two things I used to help "blend" the collage elements and text: Inktense colored pencils and water soluble graphite pencil, two things I don't play with often enough. I'd been thinking a lot lately about the idea of "exceptionalism", and that while most would envy someone thought to be exceptional in some way, the person who is seen as exceptional often experiences an isolation not to be envied and difficult to break out of. Speaking from experience here although what I've noted people have thought exceptional about me is really not that exceptional.

And then I ran across an article in Smithsonian Magazine about Brunhilde of Wagner's Valkyrie fame and her sister-in-law Fredegund who were not just Norse legend but actual queens ("The Medieval Queens Whose Daring, Murderous Reigns Were Quickly Forgotten" January 2022 issue). As I read through their history and drank in that fabulous opening illustration, I had my beginnings of a spread on exceptionalism using two very strong women as examples. "A queen had to dodge assassins, and employ some of her own, while combating the open misogyny of her advisers and nobles—the early medieval equivalent of doing it all backwards and in heels." And ruling through a male relative. The yellow you see around Brunhild is Inktense pencil.

With Randy Newman's "It's Lonely At The Top" lyrics playing in my head, I built upon this idea of the exceptional being placed on a pedestal, either being adored or hated. Fredegund was in such a precarious position at the top; her predecessor was strangled after catching Fredegund,a slave girl, in bed with the King and going off in a huff. Ahh, palace life. By now strains of another song about popularity were coming to mind. These I inked in various open places on the spread.

I added these disapproving and one approving heads and used the water soluble graphite to outline them and then a damp paint brush to spread the graphite into a dark background cloud. "Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to be used by you."

A final touch - adding some small characters along the paths - the "little people" who take little notice of those above as they simply try to eke out an existence and hope the rulers don't do anything rash to upset it.

Either way, always a separation that is difficult to close. As for our queens after they died, "With their accomplishments cut from official histories, the queens took root in legends and myths," a different kind of exceptionalism but no less lonely I suspect. Do read the article; it is full of interesting twists and turns. 

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