That Unwanted Anniversary

F. Allen Barnes 1953 - 2000

As the anniversary of my husband's death loomed, I came to the realization that I have lived without him for as many years as we were married (we'd met and started dating only two years prior). Sigh. The day before he died was the Fourth of July and he was barbecuing up the traditional brats, showing his slight irritation at me and my camera, which of course makes me smile to this day. Traditional brats you may ask? Well yes, as we were living in Wisconsin at the time, and the all American hot dog just wouldn't do. I still fix brats every Fourth, although barbecuing is not my thing. This year I tried the Air Fryer and they turned out great.

Our 25th wedding anniversary was just a week later, and perhaps presciently, we'd done our celebrating early. I quickly chose to use the bracketing of those two events as a chance to go into seclusion, my own private retreat to reflect on our life together and consider how I might honor the support he always gave me by working on a special quilting project. I'm not doing much quilting at the moment but I'm sure he would be happy to see me take on any creative task that I've been neglecting for one reason or another. I started jotting down things I could do during this coming week and it is quite varied, mostly things that on their own would not fill up a week. So maybe a lot will get checked off my long want-to-do list. Or maybe I'll spend more time in quiet contemplation and walks down memory lane. However I end up spending my week of seclusion, I hope to maintain and even strengthen that connection I still have to that man who was the love of my life.